Talking to Your Child About Anxiety
Do you have a young child with anxiety who struggles with sleep, separation, constant worry, extreme sensitivity to change, irritability, and even excessive physical complaints? Me too. I know how painful it is to watch your child suffer. I also know that while the diagnosis can feel validating in some ways, it can also fill you with immense grief and a sense of fear about how to help your child.
I think the first step is to start a dialogue with your child, even very young children about anxiety. Like most parents, we don’t even know where to start. So I’d like to provide you with a script to open up the discussion with your child. Discussing how it works in the body, the strengths, and the struggles can create a sense of understanding and connection that make it easier for your child to manage their anxiety.
Here’s a script you can modify and use to talk to your child about their anxiety.
"Hey, [child's name], we want to talk to you about something important. We've noticed that sometimes you feel worried or scared about things, even if they're not really dangerous. The doctor helped us understand that you have anxiety, which means that your brain is really good at noticing things that could be scary or dangerous, even when they're not a threat to your safety.
When we feel anxious, it's because our brain thinks that something might be dangerous or scary. Our brain has a part called the amygdala that helps us notice and respond to things that could be a threat. When the amygdala senses something that might be dangerous, it sends a signal to the rest of the body to get ready to protect itself.
When the body gets this signal, it might start to feel different. Some people might have a fast heartbeat, sweaty palms, or even butterflies in their stomachs. Some might feel like their muscles are tense or their breathing gets faster. These are just some of the ways our body reacts to anxiety.
The frustrating thing about anxiety is that your brain sends these fear signals to your body, even when there isn’t immediate danger. For example, you might feel anxious before a party or trip, even though there's nothing physically dangerous about it. That's because your brain is trying to protect you and make sure you do your best. Unfortunately, that anxiety can flood your brain with chemicals that make it even harder to focus, have fun, or feel safe. Sometimes, anxiety can also make things harder for you, like making it hard to sleep or focus, or even causing you physical pain.
Although it can feel so scary and overwhelming, we know that your anxiety is actually your body’s way of trying to protect you. So to work with your body, we’re going to learn how to listen to the anxiety, and learn to let it protect you without keeping you from enjoying your life. Taking slow deep breaths, talking to someone we trust, or doing things you enjoy, like playing or drawing, can help calm down our brain and body. We'll work together to figure out the strategies and tools that work for you. We'll also help you find ways to take care of yourself, like getting enough sleep, exercise, and healthy food, to keep your body feeling nourished, safe, and loved.
Having anxiety also means that you have some really cool strengths, like having a brain and body that’s working really hard to protect you. It also means you are really aware of your surroundings and can notice details that other people might miss. You also have lots of courage and resilience, because you've been able to face your fears even when they're really scary.
Anxiety grows when it’s left alone and pushed down, so I want you to know you are not alone. We are here to support you and we believe in you. Having anxiety doesn't mean that you can't do amazing things in life. In fact, it means that you have a body that’s focused on keeping you safe and protected. Together we’ll learn how to work with your body to achieve your dreams. We're excited to see all the great things you'll do!
