Parenting Styles

Authoritarian parents use discipline and obedience to maintain control. Fear of the parent, or losing the parent’s love, is the motivating factor for a child’s behavior. 

Permissive parents show warmth, but don't provide structure or boundaries. Fear of big emotions makes it challenging for parents to set firm boundaries, which children need to feel safe.  

Uninvolved Parents are uninterested and neglectful, lacking both warmth and structure. 

Authoritative parenting* allows parents to provide structure and support while being nurturing and responsive. Behavior is modeled and mistakes become opportunities for growth. 

Today, science shows us that authoritative parenting is the most effective parenting method for healthy emotional growth.

Authoritative* parenting allows parents to provide structure and support while being nurturing and responsive. Behavior is modeled and mistakes become opportunities for growth. The focus is on using boundaries and connection to help kids grow. 

What type of parenting style did you grow up with? How you are trying to raise your kids?

I was raised with an authoritarian parent and an uninvolved parent. When I am stressed out or overwhelmed, I find it hard to be responsive to my kid’s needs. Instead, I react to their behaviors, usually using the punish, shame, ignore, model that I grew up with. 

Learning how to manage your reactiveness is probably one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. Our brains are wired to repeat the patterns of our childhood. We will automatically lean back into the patterns we were raised with.

In moments I am triggered, it is my job to work on modeling how to calm my nervous system down.

My goal is to see the need the behavior is trying to communicate.

Setting firm, but compassionate boundaries with my kids will give them a feeling of safety.

When we are both feeling more regulated, I can guide them to problem solve.

My goal is not to control behavior, but to give my child a healthy model of how to deal with conflict.

(*Also known as: connected, conscious, gentle, responsive, positive, curious parenting)